i decided that i have a happy affair with richard misrach.
it started with this photo. but i spent the last hour perusing online and when i found an abstract of his (from Desert Cantos) i knew it was for sure: "As interesting and provocative as the cultural geography might be, the desert may serve as the backdrop for the problematic relationship between man and the environment. The human struggle, the successes and failures, the use and abuse, both noble and foolish, are readily apparent in the desert. Symbols and relationships seem to arise that stand for the human condition itself. It is a simple, if almost incomprehensible equation: the world is as terrible as it is beautiful, but when you look more closely, it is as beautiful as it is terrible. We must maintain constant vigilance, to protect the world from ourselves, and to embrace the world as it exists."
and i agree.

LA so far....

i found a hungry urnburnz at the airport.

we all cooked dinner (and by we, i mean erin and max cooked, and i took photos).

we went to beverly hills and found some crazy flower sculptures.

[also, i went vignette crazy with these (with good reason LOLZ).]

the ride of a lifetime....on rollers. in time lapse.

whelp, i'm in LA.

i went to the denny's of LA in an attempt to cure erin's hangover.

and that is all i've done so far.

i got my YSB evaluation today. the highlights:

on my possible problem areas: "i find it difficult to pinpoint particular areas for Caitlin to focus on improving" and "she will fulfill the enormous potential she has shown thusfar".

on my areas of strength: i am a "quality addition to the team" and have "demonstrated poise, good judgment" who fits in "well with the the other members of the team" and has a "good balance between structure and empathy" when dealing with residents.

i couldn't be happier working there and i'm so glad it shows.

waiting for my plane to come in so i can board it and see urn burnz.

i miss e.ham already.

and i woke up with a great amazing wonderful love note next to me on my pillow.

great great great.

i told you, my life is extraordinary, as are all the people in it.

i have decided i love my job at the shelter.
i want to make a difference.
it feels incredible to make these kids smile.
maybe because they don't have much to smile about.
i'm a giver. and i found a great place to give.

i've been super obsessed with internet radio as of late. it's just too great.

my old friends seem to dislike me. well, not dislike, just treat me poorly sometimes. i wish i understood. it's probably something i'm doing that i don't realize.

i guess thank goodness for new friends too.

i've been working so much. i guess it's good, it's all for the LA trip though, just trying to break even. i have my evaluation at the shelter right before i leave for LA, so hopefully it'll be a good sendoff.

alexi murdoch has pwned my musical interests lately, i can't seem to get out of this music mode (throwback to sophomore year of college). time without consequence, still one of my favorite albums.

busy busy planning things, i'm so excited! got an email yesterday from amy at the BGC... they've been donated darkroom things and they want me to head up converting a bathroom into a darkroom. YAY. big things, i can do that. i just like planning it all out. i feel like i'm doing something cool. something that will last, which is super cool.

i want my life to continue to be extraordinary.

and that's exactly where i'm headed.

way past fine, just past excellent, and coming up on monumental.

i need to take more photos. sorry. (sorry mostly to myself lol).

some photos of late (thanks droid):

driving back on 465 from a visit with kelly jean n josh:

k-mooney, yet another brilliant self-portrait:

kristina, caroline, and i all had a pedal party while erik played with his phone:

proof that we found a baby moley moley moley:

first outside ride since the snow, twas a good one:

erik looking most lovely (and more badass than me, plobvs):

erik had a pedal party all his own last night bwahahaha:

doors seem to open nicely, but i wish they'd open to something i could get paid to do. like, i'm super stoked to get this internship, but it's going to be at a time when it prevents me from working at all on fridays and mondays. wish i could get paid more. and not feel like i'm stretched thin all the time.

jared made me feel better last night when i was feeling all useless... he told me how people at the shelter have bragged that i've caught on so fast and that i'm so good there. it was nice to know people notice/that i'm not terrible (cause i just feel like i still have things to learn there, lol).

i decided i'm not going to do anything special/crazy for my birthday (it's comin up fast!)... christmas is still my favorite holiday, it's all good. i just want to spend it with people i love (and maybe sleep in a little bit too).

i'm getting a little fidgity. i get that way, i like lots of change and whirlwind crazy things happening all the time, lots of traveling. i think i'll get my fill in summer when i'm going to erik's races all over again, but lately i've just been FIDGETY. i'm going to LA so that's going to take care of my travelbug for awhile. plus, i need to start saving money again, so it'll be good to fall into a non-travel mode (and spend more time with the erik, yay)!

sitting here, listening to l5 strategizing makes me wish i could do it again. i hate that i can't.

speaking of all that, i don't understand how news travels SO fast.... kelsey got picked up by delta gamma via rush and i just found out late, i don't know how everyone hears about it all so fast. yeah, don't worry about it, i'm unable to keep team rev going, i fail again. what's new?

scored an internship with the boys and girls club in ellettsville. win.

riding twice a day for the last couple of days. inside AND outside. losing weight, toning up, getting in race shape again.

the children and i found a baby mole while sledding. it was so cool!

i got some bad news yesterday. my external hard drive is officially screwed. no one can get anything off of it. there are 2 places in the whole country that you can contract (by paying them more than a thousand bucks) to open it up in a clean room and try to get things off of it, but there is no guarantee and it's 99 percent likely that it doesn't work at all. i was thinking about it, and the biggest tragedy here is that all of my personal photos will be lost. not my work, the exhibitions i did, not the hours and hours i spent on the computer perfecting things. it's the stupid things.... all those days at the track when i whipped out that stupid pink digital camera, everything i've done with friends since (and including) my 21st birthday, that camera recorded it. and now it's all gone. i look like i didn't do anything in college, i can't look back at pictures.... it's a big deal to me.

as all the cutters folks would say... shattered.

the word i'd use to describe me... devastated.

in other news, i think i scored a "job" (unpaid, plobvs) at the ellettsville boys and girls club as the art education assistant director for their after school programs. NICE. i'm pretty excited about it, actually... It's one more great thing for my resume. i printed out some apps yesterday (don't get excited), they are as follows:

-economic hardship deferment for my direct loans

-VIM paperwork to apply for free healthcare in monroe county based on my "poverty level" income

-music@menlo internship for a month at the end of summer in photography/videography in palo alto, CA.

i now have to re-vamp my resume (for each job/internship ew), write a cover letter, find a writing sample (which could be impossible, based on the state of my external hard drive).... it's times like this i wish i had a desk. i thought about taking my computer to the bakehouse or something. i should do that.

this morning i also discovered henry clarke (thanks to michelle sharing a vintage vogue blog with mads), a 40s/50s fashion photographer that i want to know more about and see more photos from. but i can't find much. there's definitely no books full of his stuff, an even google's failing massively on anything related to who he is or finding more than 10 photos. they're different for the time period... a lot of them focus on the environment to bring out the clothes (in some cases by obscuring the clothes) which is just so different than the glamour shot-esque style a lot of other fashion photos have going on from that era. new life goal: find out who or what henry clarke was.

i'm feeling more at home here. love love love spending time with all the people i'm becoming friends with. and all the people whom i have been friends with. it means a lot to be accepted into people's lives, and i'm happy that people have afforded me that opportunity so generously. so thanks. i think.

ooh ooh let's make a list of happy things.

*i leave for LA in t-minus 1 week and 6 days to see erin.

*i decided friends season 6 is my favorite one (i laughed the most).

*avatar was a great movie.

*i'm riding my bike almost every day again.

*i like "what i wouldn't do" by a fine frenzy.

*i bought flats yesterday. i feel good about it.

it's 2010.
let it be.

that said, i can't decide what to say about 09. it gave me lots of good things and a few not so good things. off the top of my head...here's some firsts.
i had my first broken bone this year.
i had my first surgery this year.
i broke up with someone (on my end) for the first time this year.
i got my first adultish "real" job this year.
i quit a job for the first time this year for said real job (instead of being fired or working a temporary seasonal job).
i moved in with people i had never met for the first time ever.
i used twitter for the first time.
i did a bike race for the first time (l5 doesn't count, it's not real).
i shot a wedding for the first time.
i shot athleticness for the first time (yay bike races).

2010 will see:
my first time in california.
my first cohabitation (yay).
my first (and only) college degree.

stay tuned.