Thursday, July 8, 2010

so, anyone that knows me lately knows that i have a serious, serious complex that has only recently developed.
some of you may know this; some of you may not.

in arkansas when erik, sherer, curtis, and I all went to the Joe Martin stage race (and cahooted with [and by "with" i mean "in the same general square mile as"] floyd landis, tour disgrace extraordinaire), the time trial stage was in Devil's Den state park. this is all fine and good; i love to be outside and i love to not wear shoes and hug trees, i have always been this way. at the end of the TT, my knee really itched and i saw through the hole in the knee of my jeans that had a little bug bite, no big deal. i proceeded to go to a camp bathroom before we left and discovered, much to my dismay, upon removing my pants completely, that set before me was the difficult task of extracting about 20 ticks from my skin on my legs.

can you say "disgusting"? i have never in my life been afraid of any bugs or reptiles or anything designated as a "creepy crawlie," but now i find myself compulsively cleaning and sweeping our room at hazel's house and making sure there are no termite, ant, mite, bedbug, or tick infestations to be found.

it's becoming a serious problem.

needless to say, when i woke up in my bed at the hilton suites tuesday morning in chicago COVERED in red blemishes that itched like crazy, i nearly lost my mind.
i wanted to burn everything i was wearing, everything that i brought with me, and proceeded to the shower and used an ENTIRE bar of soap scrubbing like a germaphobe with obsessive compulsive disorder. i stripped every bed in the hotel room (and even looked under the couch cushions when my mom wasn't looking) looking for what i was sure was bedbugs.
no bedbugs were present.

then, the next thought in my mind was "what did i do out of the ordinary yesterday?"
the answer made me want to puke when i thought about it being the cause of the irritation.

most normal people don't think about foot fungus, eczema, bedbugs, or other communicable skin conditions and/or diseases every time they walk in somewhere to try on clothes.

i tried on approximately 35 wedding dresses at 3 different establishments the day before. i don't know if you know how it all works, but they have ONE wedding dress per style that is an extra large size so everyone puts on the same dresses, they just binder clip it in the back to make it fit you. when you find one you like, you order it in your size brand new. in essence, dresses at the shops are dingy, used, and unwashed. they also give you a strapless bra to use in case you haven't brought one (that 8508374525 other women have used, gross).

in short, i FLIPPED out and thought i caught some bug problem from a random chicagoan that tried on the same dresses i did.

worry not... i was informed that i most likely picked up chiggers who promptly bit the hell out of me in fred's yard for the 4th of july. not sure which is worse, chigger bites that take a long time to go away, or gross bugs from some sketchy bridal salon.

long story short, i have a BIG bug problem. i feel like i need some mental reorganizing to beat this.

1 comment:

Kathlene said...

I love the way you write. You have gift I would die for. You also have something I would rather for than to have chiggers. I have a does or 20 of those buggers and they are not fun at all.

I can appreciate your apprehension about the bras and dresses. I often wonder what bug I am going to haul away with me from the bathrooms I visit now and then.

Give these guys a check out for your chigger problem. I swear by them. They saved my life a few years. I was so desperate to stop that itch i was about to resort to dowsing myself with gasoline, setting it on fire and putting it out with an ice pick. They are well worth looking at. Hope you don't mind the shameless plug, but they did me so much good I don't mind passing on their info.

chigger bite treatment

Hope this helps you and some of your readers. Yup. YOU got a gift for sure. Thanks for sharing.