i have a new life goal that i never thought i'd have to set aside effort for:
be spontaneous.

i used to be so good at it.
i miss it.
last week at the bakehouse someone mentioned 'man i want to go to portland' and sasha looks up from playing with his iphone and says 'okay. let's go right now. seriously' and i have no doubt in my mind that he was completely, totally, 100 percent serious.

i miss thinking like that.
it used to be how i was.
new life goal... GO!

I may or may not be devoid of all imagination.

it is a serious problem. i was forced to play "house" yesterday, which turned into playing "school." Now, this is all fine and good, but how is a 24 year old expected to pretend there's 10 kids in a classroom (and by classroom, i mean a designated 5 foot square area of any given playground that may or may not be classroom shaped), and that i have to know what is going on with all of them?

I got so stressed out.

I decided i would "be" all the "teachers" and "playing school" ended up turning into an improv routine wherein i adopted different accents for each teacher and said things like "charles, stop picking your nose" to get a laugh out of the kid.

It was exhausting.

I've decided imagination at our age is useless to us, unless it serves as a way to make a living, make ourselves money, or make someone else money.

creative thinking is only useful if it serves society's purposes.

i guess i'm okay with that based on the fact that playing "house" stressed me out.

i've spent a lot of time counting down minutes today.

the indiana driver's safety course (aka defensive driving) assigns a minimum time to read each "chapter" of their course online. so even if i read it and it takes me 3 minutes (and i've read it all, mind you), they assign it 12 minutes. so frustrating. it has a little minute counter downer in the corner.

i wish i had my camera. it's just so nice right now. i'm at soma leeching wireless so i can do said driver's safety course. rode my bike everywhere the last few days, it feels great.

i ran a 5k on saturday morning completely randomly. kristina texted me friday evening and said "what are you doing at 8am tomorrow?" when i replied "aboslutely nothing," she informed me that i was, in fact, running a 5k in the morning and that she would report to my house to pick me up at at 7am.

a great time was had with kristina, katie, and kate (PLEASE read her recap at her blog, when i speak of her to people i often reference that she is an absolute RIOT. everything out of the girl's mouth [including her blog and tweets] is hysterical).

my legs STILL hurt.

hurts so good. i like it when my muscles remind me they still work.

also, i stole this heinous photo of me and kristina afterwards from kate's blog as well... i was trying to look strong, but ended up looking a little lost and confused. please laugh a lot:

headed to Cincinnati on saturday, resulting in photos on podium insight.com again, EXCELLENT.
i know you wanna see the photos here... also, i'm slightly sad that podium insight doesn't follow me on twitter, even though i've contributed to their site 3 times now. lol, i can't believe i had that thought because twitter isn't real.

also, something else great happened; riders' collective magazine contacted me about a photo i posted 6 months ago on my blog of pro cyclocrosser Molly Cameron at the portland USGP and using it in their july issue. which is sweet... a link to come when it's available. photo sampleyness:

my faja came to bloomy yesterday and it was lovely. hung out at the bakehouse, hung out at oliver, hung out at upland. it was what i call a winning day. evidence:

winning weekend.

i may be extremely immature, much like chandler from friends.
example: in the YSB, we play a game called the 'settlers of catan.' it is a less than popular board game that is INCREDIBLY entertaining. i think more people should play it and i am considering buying my own. anyway. you use resource cards like wheat, wood, sheep, ore, etc to build the biggest settlements and win the game. i just cant help it, i piddle a little every time a resident say they have "a lot of wood" in their hand of cards. or "does anyone have wood?" i just laugh inside and am so mad that i have to remain straightfaced in order to maintain shelter appropriateness.

example: also. the other night a resident had a visitation with family and this resident came into the office afterwards and said "oh yeah, my brother said you were hot". i think i made the most awkward face in the world. i stammered and said "oh...uh...i...eesh." pause. "so i'm really sorry i'm so awkward but i just don't know how to react to such things." the resident stared at me for much longer than necessary until i blurted out "well. tell him i said thanks. or something. i think." what do you SAY to that? so.terribly.awkward. eesh.

sidebar: i may start a new blog. just because. maybe i won't. i will leave you with a photo from the top of the parking garage. the only one from the session that now exists due to a massive memory CF card failure. sadface. and it's dark. no photoshop. more sadface.

I got sort of sad the last couple days.

Well, i stumbled upon this great photographer/team and love their photos and they do weddings and they do a LOT of film work (medium format/holga/loveliness) but they're out of seattle and prePOSTerously expensive (at least for my budget, plus travel expenses for them = no good). and then after my talk with urn burnz yesterday i just kind of wanted to throw up my hands and elope.

i found out there's a plan for a joint bachelorette party in wisconsin with me and stacy. its a good plan because when are me, erin, and ricks all gonna be together again? i dont care if its a joint party. but then erin told me this was a necessary early bachelorette party because she probably wouldn't be there for much before my wedding because it's going to be taking many days off work/flights/etc. i shouldn't care because i'm not marrying her (LOL we are already married on facebook) but...she and cricketts are like the most important people i want there besides erik. and if they aren't going to come for much, well, i just kind of want it to be just me and erik and what's the point of having this great wedding stuff if the extra few people closest to you aren't helping you through hyperventilation or fainting or keeping a potential bridezilla in check or anything? if i can't have everyone (i mean EVERYONE) i want for as long as i want, i feel like i just want to go to the courthouse.

is this... it may be... the beginning of a crazy bride? no. i will not fall into that trap.

some days my life seems so boring.
and then some days i feel like i can't get a word in edgewise because the chaos is overwhelming.

good things from lately:
(novelty mall, red river gorge, KY)


(indy):




more later when this computer cooperates.

this is what i need to put here.
my life.
what i do every day (besides work, that's a breach of confidentiality! ha).
waking up to bakehouse breakfasts (that turn into lunches) and tracy's dessert platters, coffees with kristina (and alycin), wandering downtown, dinners at upland and wrestling an erik on the couch sometimes.



it's good.

yesterday was a thoroughly amazing day.
had a lovely breakfast with erik at the bakehouse to start the day.
had a walk around the Arts Fair on the square and finally bought this photo i've been seeing at little bloomington fairs for so long:

it's called "the last recital". it is a fitting name for this picture that i just keep seeing. it's too perfect. and he had a 5x7 of it and i just had to buy it. got to talk to the photog, kyle spears, and we chit chatted. i always feel like i sound like an amateur (or like a total terd) when i talk to someone seemingly more successful than me. but it was a good talk and i discovered that all of his black and whites are done in a darkroom still, which made me so happy to hear. next time i sign a lease, a 2 bathroom is a MUST so i can start doing that. haha. poor erik, to be subjected to the darkroom smell. maybe i'll rent out a different place. that would be cool. but expensive. humph.
after the arts fair, i wandered to the farmers' market to find flowers but to my dismay they were all packing up. i found the maclean clan and wandered downtown with them for a bit. i had a good talk with tracy, saw marie (!!), april, and a few other people i love to say hi to, then chillaxed with bakehouse coffee with a kristina.
i went to work at 2. i forgot days at work could be so incredibly chilled out. no one lost a level, no one flipped out, no one had trouble going to bed, it was perfect all in all. i did get schooled in rummy by a couple of 16 year olds though. MAN!!

i have weird tans on my feet...the keens i wear all the time are plotting against me.
possible 7 hour drive today. oooooweeee not looking forward to it.

many-many-apologies for not having photos of Iowa races up yet. Shockingly, I haven't finished going through them all.... Caroline won her first race (!!!) YAY. lots of good things happened. but there's a couple thousand photos i've been going through. if you're waiting, my apologies. maybe tonight.

Updateys indeed...

i have another first for the year of 2010... first MLB game. saw the cardinals play last night on a whim as our last part of our you and me day in STL. i did not get erik to go to the top of the arch, however... perhaps someday, though it doesn't seem likely. i hate seeming like a tourist, but here's some phonephotos in lieu of real photos.

i also decided clark, of lewis and clark, has the spelling and grammar skills of a 10 year old:

erik got 2nd overall in the tour of red river gorge (and won the time trial stage) and got in the money this weekend at NRC Tour De Grove. good things.

my photos are here: http://www.nuvo.net/nuvo/red-river-gorge-stage-race/Slideshow?oid=1388217

win all around.

i had mixed emotions this weekend.

i got the call on friday that could have been great news. it was not great news. now i know what it's like to literally pour all of your free time and energy into something, something you think matters, and then realize suddenly that your best isn't good enough. i just don't know how to excel at my job, and it's frustrating. so i'm sad a little. so bad news, i did not get promoted to a full-time position (which would, ironically, be less hours a week than some weeks that i've worked lately).

but this weekend something great happened. it just so happened that Geraint got to write race reports for Snake Alley and Melon City for Podium Insight and my photos went up on the site to accompany his reports!! so exciting. like, seriously. super stoked. it's a big deal! whee! so i have spent a good portion of today attempting to sort through the 5000 photos I took this weekend. some of my favorites will go up hopefully later tonight (the computer meera has lended to me is good but it is a little older, so it's taking me a little while to get through it all!)

while it was a weekend that started with bad news, it's slowly swinging upwards towards great things. as linda put it this morning, so positively, at breakfast: "i hope that because you got denied the position, something you couldn't have done if you had gotten it opens up... a better job opportunity, or the opportunity to go on a great adventure that you'll remember for a lifetime."

i really do live the most amazing life, with the most amazing people in it. thank you to everyone who made this weekend one of those times when i looked around and thought to myself how incredibly lucky i am.